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Getting love right this time

The Internet has revolutionized the way we look for love. while not for everyone, online dating websites offer the most efficient way to find single people, by providing a means to sort through thousands of (hopefully) unattached people.

Technology evolves, but the way we are attracted to potential partners remains the same. how and why we are attracted to another is a deep inner process of loving ourself, otherwise known as self-esteem, which powerfully determines the partner we choose.

When encountering a person we find attractive, it feels that the object of our attention possesses attractive attributes, at well. the reality can be different.

The very word “attract” suggest a pull from the attractive person but, in fact, your inner workings directly influence whether or not you find another attractive. Accepting this reality offers you greater power to develop healthy, satisfying love relationships.

Relationships form patterns. ever notice that your past partners shared some similar qualities? This makes sense because your former partners all shared something important: you chose them. when it comes to selecting a well-fitting partner, the amount you love yourself influences you strongly.

Most of us think we love ourselves, but the kind of partners we choose and how they treat us reflects the quality of our inner relationship with ourself, and might suggest differently. the more we love ourselves, the more we will be attracted to those who love themselves to the same degree. If you have had poor relationships, then it is a signal that inner growth will be helpful.

When exploring a possible love partnership, as you get to know a new person by spending time with him or her, the way you respond to the way you are treated is also an expression of your level of self-esteem. If a new love candidate demonstrates a lack of integrity, do you discontinue contact or do you forgive and allow the relationship to move forward? how many red flags is too many? People with low self-esteem allow too many because they usually fear not being loved more than they fear being hurt. If you accept bad behavior, you will end up with a poor relationship.

The early phase of a relationship is a time when an invisible unspoken contract is negotiated between partners. It tacitly details how each partner will act, who accepts what responsibilities, and what behaviors are acceptable and unacceptable. Your level of self-esteem determines how good a “contract” you make.

New love relationships can be so exciting. new lovers easily “fall” deliciously out of control for each other. so enjoyable, it’s hard not to rush into love. but going fast risks re-creating old dissatisfying relationship patterns. If an objectionable behavior arises while the relationship is progressing too fast, you’ll miss the opportunity to correct it and prevent its inclusion in the invisible contract. Troubling issues grow increasingly harder to address if they have been previously accepted. Taking it slow allows you to build with care a whole new relationship pattern.

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